Well, he couldn’t stay there forever. At approximately 11 AM, the Palace Guard closed 63rd Street between Cullen and Masen to all traffic—not that it mattered. Word of Prince Edward’s location got out quickly, and the crowd had grown to include locals hoping to a get a glimpse of His Highness. Once the area was secure, a black Audi sedan pulled up in front of the Not-a’s building. From it emerged Prince Edward’s personal secretary and former bodyguard Emmett McCarty accompanied by an unidentified blonde woman. McCarty retrieved a garment bag from the trunk of the sedan, then he and his lady friend entered the Chelsea, flanked by members of the Palace Guard.

Apparently, Prince Edward called for security and wardrobe reinforcements.

The effort was more than a little comical. It didn’t matter if His Royal Highness changed his royal vestments; we were still about to witness His Royal Walk of Shame. And what a walk it was! Prince Edward appeared wearing one of his trademark dark grey bespoke suits, unshaven and without a bruise on his face. He waved and smiled at photographers as he walked the short distance from the doors to the Chelsea at the open door of the waiting Audi. To think that if he’d behaved this gracefully last night, none of this would’ve ever happened. So why the 180?

According to a Palace source, when word of Prince’s Edward’s brawl reached Prince John, he gave his son quite the tongue lashing via telephone.

Our source explained: “Prince John knows as well as anyone how invasive the press can be during what should be respected as private moments. That being said, he has always expected his boys to behave with the grace and decorum as befits their titles, and in incidents where this is Prince Edward’s actions—while entirely understandable—undermine everything Prince John has worked to achieve in the years since the death of Princess Elizabeth. As the heir to the throne of the Seven Kingdoms of the Westerlands, Prince John understands the symbiotic relationship the Palace has with the media is very fragile and won’t permit any member of the Royal Family to undermine it.”

Translation: it’s taken a huge PR budget and a lot of ass-kissing for Prince John to regain the pseudo-tolerance of the smallfolk, and even though he’s been known to have his own outbursts and tantrums in the presence of the media, he won’t tolerate this behavior being directed AT the media.

Meanwhile, additional details from Prince Edward’s test drive in his low-mileage pre-owned Buick are slowly getting out. Word on the street is that Prince Edward gave Not-a a softcore porn-worthy goodnight kiss in the hallway outside her apartment—and that one of her neighbors took a picture of it. If this is true, we want to be the first to publish it.

Hear that, residents of the Chelsea? If you have the goods, we have the dough. Name your price!